What If You Could Go Back and Relive One Day Of Your Life All Over Again

What if you could go back and relive one day of your life all over again
And unmake the mistake that left you a million miles away~ The Casting Crows

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, and like Ferris Bueller said: Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and take a look around once in awhile, you might miss it.  And maybe it’s also because Gord Downie, the lead singer of Canada’s Band, The Tragically Hip, died of brain cancer today. RIP Gord, you’re dancing among the constellations now. You were my Canadian poet hero.

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But, I have a lot of THOUGHTS these days. Thoughts about LIFE. And stuff like that. I mean, I was having them a couple of years ago, and you might remember them if you’re a long time reader, but I’m gonna keep writing about them, because, it’s what’s on my mind these days. More so than beauty crap. 😉

So, what if? If you could go back and relive a day, what would it be for you? Not so much to  correct a mistake as the lyrics suggest, but if that’s what you’d want to do, hey man…you go and do you. Personally, I wouldn’t want to fuck with the time continuum and all the ramifications of that whole mess of bullshit. I’d just want to go back and RELIVE that day is all. Nothing more than that for me.

For me? It’s the last time, the last day I spent with my mama. My mama and me… had an unusual relationship to say the least. I was her confidante from a very young age, which to be honest, kinda screwed me up and is the reason I have General Anxiety Disorder. Yup. At the ripe old age of 6, I knew too much about being an adult, and that being one? Pretty much sucked. But BOY,  she loved me, like, really, REALLY LOVED ME. My biggest fan, right to the end. And I don’t think anybody in my life time, even my hubby bless his heart included, has loved me that much and that unconditionally. A mother’s love is really like no other you guys. Cherish it.

This is my fave pic of me and my mama. Man, do I have memories of her brushing my hair… and they’re not pleasant memories as you can tell by this picture. But, it’s something I REALLY remember. And now? It makes me laugh!

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The last time I saw my mama, was in April some time in 1996. I can’t remember the exact day, and it really breaks me up.Was it the 15th? The 16th? You see, I didn’t live in the same city or province anymore, so that last visit was a plane trip to see her. And I mean, if I knew it was gonna be the last time I saw her? Talked to her? TOUCHED HER? Damn it, I would have made it LAST. As long as I could have. I would have stayed longer than a week. And wrote down the dang date so I could remember it…forever.

My mama, died, Dec. 27, 1996. And it was the most horrible day, week, year. I turned 30 a month after she died, and it was the worst birthday of my entire life. None of my family remembered it, and hey, I understood why. We were all too drowning in grief still. She was the glue that held us together, she really was.

As my old brain recalls, that last day with my mama was full of smiles and laughs. Marky was with me, and she was just 3 years old, and my mama LOVED her so much. Marky made her laugh, hugged her, loved her, told her jokes, jumped up on her lap…it was an awesome day. And I’d give anything to relive it again. Anything.

I was 29 years old when I lost my mama. And I’ve missed her every day since then. Every. Day.

So, what day would you want to relive? Let’s TALK! Real Talk! Not just about how a blush looks…I need more than that to keep going and doing this man. Help me out. 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Kristi says:

    Oh, Tracy…tears rolling down my face right now. Hugging you tight across the miles! Some times life is just hard, harder than hard.

    Liked by 1 person

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